So it’s transgender day of visibility and I wanted to write something about the last time I felt really visible as a trans woman.
This happened a couple of days ago. This was while I was traveling back from Australia to New Zealand, after having spent a lovely couple of weeks with my girlfriend – who is also trans – hanging out, seeing some bands play, catching up.
When I’m with my girlfriend, I feel she sees me for who I am. I don’t have to be cautious about how people will understand what I’m saying through the lens of my gender. She truly accepts me as the gender that I am, and so I can share parts of myself that otherwise would open me to scrutiny – things like my sexuality, silly jokes, and simple thoughts I have about my existence as a trans woman.
But this isn’t the way that I normally experience visibility.
Crossing borders between countries is always a stressful action. The ever-increasing militarisation and restriction of borders across the globe continues to inflict exclusionary and hegemonic violence by enforcing imperialist political agendas on regular people.
I am an anxious person, and struggle with social interaction, especially when I do not understand exactly what is expected of me. This can make things as small as booking a haircut quite stressful to me. When faced with officials from the Australian Border Force, who have the power to imprison me indefinitely, or simply make me miss my flight, this anxiety can be quite high already.
I don’t know if it’s this anxiety or paranoia, but I feel as though I am often singled out for extra attention as I pass through customs. Not to the nearly the same extent as people of colour suffer, but I do think people notice something about me, my transness, my anxiety and paranoia, and decide I am suspicious.
This is the visibility that I am used to.
This trip through the border was no exception. As I placed my belongings in a tray to be scanned, and was left clutching my passport as if a security blanket, shoeless and nervous, I was beckoned over to the body scanners.
Body scanners in Australia use radio waves – which bounce off skin and metal, and pierce clothes – to render an image of your body. The idea is that they will make items hidden beneath your clothing visible. Automated target recognition then paints yellow indicators over the image, to show where “suspicious” objects may have been detected.
If these objects are detected, you will not be cleared to fly until a pat-down has followed up, investigating the suspicious areas beneath your clothes.
I stepped into the cylinder of the scanner, and raised my arms above my head, following the mandated procedure to provide a clear image.
My body, rendered visible to the machine’s logic, was detected as suspicious. I stepped out of the machine to be greeted by an image of highlighting my crotch as a “suspicious area.”
The security officer monitoring the machine asked me if I had anything in my pockets. I felt like crying. I knew had nothing in my pockets. I know how my body is seen as abnormal and wrong. I knew exactly what was happening.
My transness, rendered visible from beneath my clothes, painted me as a target. According to the logic of the airport’s security theatre, my genitals needed investigation.
I wanted to cry, but again I know that if my sadness was visible it would register as hysterical or suspicious according to the security protocols and manners required of me. Trying not to shake, trying not to let my anxiety and upset become visible, I tried to lightheartedly suggest setting the machine to “male” and seeing if I was still suspicious.
The woman at the machine accepted that, and I stepped back into the machine. When I stepped out again, the panic fully set in. Australia has a “no opt-out” policy for body scanners. There was going to be no way of escaping this. The machine had not targeted my genitalia this time, but had rendered my breasts as a target for investigation.
I had a brief discussion with the security forces, indicating my body, pointing out that the detected “objects” were parts of my body.
The security officer asked me if I wanted to be patted down. I was trying hard to still keeping my voice steady.
Images of breaking down crying, my emotion getting me carried off to gosh-knows-what ordeal went through my head. It kept me calm on the surface, and deepened the wide panic inside.
I told them I would prefer not to be patted down. They told me I would not be cleared to fly unless I accepted. They asked if I wanted a woman to do it. Most of the sexual assaults I’ve experienced have been by women. They asked if I wanted a private room. Most of the sexual assaults I’ve experienced have been in a private room.
My body, my private parts, had been rendered visible, and they needed to investigate.
I made it on to my flight.
I spent a couple of hours by the gate before the flight. Teary-eyed, crying, trying not to be too obvious in my stricken state, not wanting to call any more official attention to me.
I’m home now, safe, tired, not too physically traumatised by the event, but I still can’t stop crying when I think about it for more than a minute.
The way the airport made my body visible, labelled it a target to be investigated. My self, the body I can only change with expensive surgeries – which are only really available overseas. The idea that my body is suspicious.
Today, March 31st, is international transgender day of visibility.
”It’s a day for the people of New Zealand to stand up and say we want everyone to be equal – to be respected as human beings, and to have access to human rights” says Ahi Wi-Hongi, National Coordinator of Gender Minorities Aotearoa (GMA), ”regardless of sex or gender.”
”Without resources such as safe housing, without freedom from violence, and without supportive communities, visibility is meaningless” says GMA spokesperson Adeline Greig. ”So often, trans women and other gender minorities are subjected to the public gaze in ways that harm us.”
“Visibility must go hand in hand with an acceptance of gender minorities as deserving of respect and rights” GMA youth spokesperson Kiran Foster says.
“Recently, gender identity was once again rejected from inclusion in the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act as a protected group; since then, Family First has released a document encouraging schools not to accommodate the needs of transgender students” Foster continues. “It is important that people are aware that we exist, because that enables them to make space for us in their world views and communities. But without that space, visibility is incredibly dangerous.”
”In Australia, the anti-bullying programme Safe Schools has come under vicious attack,” says Wi-Hongi, ”and we’re also seeing a targeted push-back against rising trans visibility in the USA, with 44 anti-trans bills introduced this year alone, 23 of which target transgender children.”
”However,” says Wi-Hongi, ”just yesterday in New Zealand’s capital city we saw the world’s first transgender woman symbol replace the ”green man” walking symbol on the Cuba st traffic lights. This year has also seen both Wellington High School and Onslow College take up the call of transgender students and their supporters and move toward genderneutral bathrooms. We’re seeing progress in the medical sector. We want to see visibility translate into positive actions which improve the lives of transgender and intersex people”
”The takeaway message,” says Wi-Hongi, ”is that visibility alone is not enough. The people of New Zealand are good, caring, and progressive people. We are world leaders – we led the world on women voting, we elected the worlds first openly transgender Member of Parliament, we are the only country in the world to protect sex workers by decriminalising their occupation,” Wi-Hongi says.
”Let’s continue to be at the forefront of human rights – let’s make 2016 the year we carry the torch for transgender and intersex whanau”.
Parents often come to us with stories and questions. Most commonly, a child or teenager who they raised as a son has expressed feeling like a girl, or a desire to be a girl. Sometimes a child they thought was a girl has expressed being, or wanting to be, a boy. Some young people feel their gender isn’t male or female, and may use words like “non-binary” to describe themself.
Questions from parents
Parents sometimes have deep, emotional fears for their child’s well being, and ask questions such as:
He’s getting teased about being a feminine boy, is that why he thinks he wants to be a girl?
Is he just spending too much time with girls?
Is my non-binary child just confused?
Does my daughter want to be a boy because of sexism?
Is it just a phase?
Maybe he’s gay?
Will giving him more masculine hobbies help?
Maybe more discipline?
Why does he want a hard life as a transgender woman, what will happen to him?
Is he going to make permanent changes to his body that he can’t undo?
Will they be a whole different person – will I lose my child?
Is there another answer – something other than being trans?
First, it’s important to understand that very few people question their own gender in the way that your child is questioning theirs. It is very uncommon for a person who is not transgender to reach a point where they are asking themself “am I transgender?”.
In our broad experience, the answer is almost always “yes”.
By the time children start puberty, they usually know how their gender feels, and will express it if they feel safe to do so. Many children know this at a much younger age, some report knowing since they were a toddler.
Is it just a phase?
Some people quote ‘80% of trans kids change their minds later’. However this figure comes from poorly conducted and misconstrued research – it is incorrect. If allowed to transition (to outwardly express being transgender), less than 1% of trans people voluntarily go back because they feel they made a mistake about their gender.
The most common reason why a transgender person detransitions or retransitions is because of pressure from a parent. Other reasons include the difficulties they face as a trans person. This may include because of pressure from family, friends, work, school, doctors, church community.
Ultimately, living “in the closet” is not healthy long term. Most of the people who transition away from a transgender identity, eventually transition back to a transgender identity, when it is safe to do so.
Even if it is just a phase, that’s OK. You can still support them.
Why is my child transgender?
Forget everything you have seen in films. Gender is not caused by teasing, trauma, recreational activities, or friends. Being transgender is a natural variance. Many cultures all over the world recognise 3, 6, or more genders. Natural variance is integral to life on earth, and trans people have always existed. They can live full, rich, happy lives, especially with a supportive family.
Your child is still going to be the same person they’ve always been, but probably a lot happier with the right support.
What steps will my child take next?
Most young people will transition socially before anything else. This may involve things like changing their name, their hair, and their clothing. It might even mean redecorating their bedroom. This is something they can easily do without making any commitment to future changes.
Being able to socially transition is a huge relief to a transgender person.
Before coming out, trans youth typically live with enormous amounts of stress, anxiety, and often depression and suicidal feelings. 71% of trans people live with ‘high’ or ‘very high’ psychological distress. This is 9 times the rate of the general population. More than 1 in 3 attempt suicide at some point. You can have a big impact on your child’s life – most trans youth report dramatically improved mental health, stability, sense of self worth, and relationships with family if their family is supportive.
If your child is expressing a desire to change their gender, it is absolutely essential that you actively support them to gently explore this further at their own pace, if they want to. Talk with your child. Let them know you love them no matter what their gender, and it’s ok to explore being another gender. Ask them what pronouns they want to use (she/her, he/him, they/them/ia). Ask if they are ready to tell the wider whānau and others in their life. Let them lead and make decisions. Help them find information. Connect them with other young rainbow people. Support them with gender affirming clothing or other things they might need.
You have a very special child, give them the love they deserve.
What about medical transition?
There is no need for medical treatments of any kind before puberty. If they wish to talk with a therapist or counselor, you can support them with this. However, most transgender children will be happy to explore gender at their own pace if their family is supportive.
Once puberty begins, some transgender youth have a strong desire to take medication which pauses puberty. This medication is sometimes referred to as “puberty blockers”. These pause puberty, and are commonly prescribed to transgender young people at the start of puberty. They are also prescribed to non-transgender youth who start puberty very early. They are safe and fully reversible.
What do puberty blockers do?
If your child is experiencing the growth of facial and body hair, the development of an Adams apple, deepening of their voice, or possibly a receding hairline, puberty blockers will halt those effects of puberty – essentially blocking their testosterone from effecting their development in these ways.
The same is true for people assigned female at birth – menstruation, breast development, widening of hips, and other puberty changes can be very distressing, and some are irreversible if allowed to continue.
Puberty blockers will simply pause puberty from making these changes, and give your child time to work out what feels right for them.
Without puberty blockers, many of the changes their body will go through during puberty are distressing, irreversible, and can have lifelong impacts.
If your child stops taking puberty blockers in the future, puberty changes will simply begin again – puberty blockers do not make permanent changes, they only pause things (much like contraceptive pills). They are completely reversible.
At around 16 years old, sex hormones (testosterone or estrogen) can be prescribed if desired. They are sometimes referred to as ‘cross sex hormones’.
The main sex hormones prescribed to transgender patients are oestrogen/estrogen for people who were assigned ‘male’ at birth, or testosterone for people who were assigned ‘female’ at birth. Oestrogen is primarily responsible for things like breast growth, skin softening, and fat distribution, while Testosterone is primarily responsible for things like deepening the voice, facial and body hair growth, and muscle mass. There is more information about medical transition here.
If your child is seen as ‘different’, they may be experiencing bullying. This is extremely common for transgender teens (1 in 5 trans students experience bullying on a weekly basis – this is 5 times higher than for non-trans students).
Your child’s school is legally required to provide a safe learning environment, and the Ministry of Education recommends that schools provide inclusive gender education. It also recommends that schools allow trans students to use the bathrooms and changing rooms they feel safest in, or create gender-neutral single stall bathrooms and changing rooms.
There may be times when you wish your child would simply try to fit in. You must choose whether to join in telling them they are not good enough and they should change, or to accept your child for who they are and demand respect and safety for your whānau.
Getting support
We hope that this information is useful in assisting you to think about the best ways in which to support your child. You can find many useful resources in the family section of our website, and information on schools in the school section.
If you have any questions or need to talk, you can contact us. We support trans people of all ages, and their families and wider whānau as well.
A quick guide to respectful and effective care of transgender, transsexual, takatāpui, intersex, and other gender minority patients, who will be referred to as ‘trans patients’, in the context of a sexual health or general practice clinic.
This pamphlet was made in 2015, and was the result of asking our communities what they wanted their healthcare providers to know.
It touches on barriers to care, getting through the door, language, opinions, clarity and professional conduct, ethical issues and medical models, and informed consent.
Trans people experience high levels of discrimination in many areas, including employment, housing, access to medical care, and education; for example, sex education which affirms their existence.
Many trans people have limited income, access to transport, and other material means to arrange and keep appointments – such as a computer and a phone with credit.
Many trans people have high anxiety about accessing health care, and may be suspicious of providers or expect to be discriminated against due to negative past experiences.
Many health care providers do no know about trans people, their needs, who to refer them to, or how to prescribe, for example, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).
Some providers refer to trans patients using stigmatising language; such as ‘biologocally male’, ‘genetically male’, or ‘transgenderism’.
Solutions – getting through the door
Affordable or free clinics near public transport.
Routine reminder text or call on the day of the appointment.
Registration and all other forms can have ‘transgender’ and ‘intersex’ options (except lab forms at present – patients can be asked what to put on lab forms).
Not ‘telling people off’ for previous missed appointments.
Professional development around areas of trans treatment such as prescribing HRT.
Staff are sensitive to trans needs – sensitivity training.
Have a clear policy that includes trans patients explicitly and market towards trans patients.
Sensitive language
Takataapui – Maori who are not heterosexual and/or not cisgender, similar to ‘Rainbow Community’. A takataapui person may fit any of the below descriptions, but may or may not identify with English words or western concepts of gender. The only Maori language pronoun is the genderless ia, but takataapui patients may use any of the following pronouns.
Trans woman – woman. Pronouns she/her/hers.
Trans man – man. Pronouns: he/him/his.
Non-binary genders – not a man or a woman. Pronouns: ia/they/them/their/ask for pronouns.
Where possible, use ‘genitals’ rather than ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’.
Don’t use terms like ‘sex change’. Medical transition may involve a range of treatments such as HRT, and a range of surgeries. Use ‘genital reconstruction surgery’ (GRS) instead of ‘sex change operation’.
Don’t say trans women are ‘biologically male’, ‘genetically male’, or ‘born a man’. Instead, if one must refer to the sex they were assigned at birth, use ‘assigned male at birth’. The same principle applies to trans men, and non-binary people.
Intersex people have sometimes been assigned a gender and re-assigned another gender multiple times; do not make assumptions regarding their histories.
Personal opinions
Don’t tell a trans woman that she has ‘a male brain’, or ‘male socialisation’, or is ‘male bodied’ (or ‘female bodied’ etc for trans men).
Don’t say things like ‘taking hormones will make you look more like a woman’, which implies that she doesn’t already look like the woman she is, or that there aren’t many ways which women look.
Don’t tell a trans man ‘but you look so pretty as a girl’, or ‘but you’ll lose all your lovely hair’.
Don’t tell a non-binary person that they’re just confused, in a phase, uncertain, or that they need to go away and decide which gender they want to be.
Don’t tell young trans people ‘it’s just a phase’ or ‘you’re too young to decide’ Young trans people decide to take their lives into their own hands every day.
Don’t define people’s changes by your own standards; for example what is satisfactory or unsatisfactory breast growth or facial hair growth.
Don’t assume that anxiety conditions are a result of being trans, a result of the way they are read by others, or because of their anatomy.
Don’t share personal opinions such as ‘men’s brains are like this and women’s brains are like that’.
Don’t try to talk trans people out of treatment.
Clarity and professional conduct
Be clear about the pathway forward, what information you need, and why.
Acknowledge your area of expertise and what you don’t know; for example if you are an endocrinologist then psychology is not your department.
There are very few circumstances under which an internal examination is medically required. If another option such as self-swabbing exists, offer the patient this option. If it is absolutely necessary to carry out an internal examination, explain the exact reason and the consequence of declining the examination, obtain consent – ensuring the patient knows they can decline. Record that the examination took place and the result.
Don’t try to look at, measure, or touch a patients breasts or genitals without explaining the exact reason for the examination, obtaining patient consent, and recording that the examination took place.
If the patient is visiting your clinic for a reason that doesn’t relate to being trans, don’t bring it up.
If you have a letter asking you to prescribe HRT from a patients psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist etc, you do not need to interrogate or ‘confirm’ the patients gender. You can simply take the specialists professional opinion and prescribe HRT.
Keep it professional – please don’t indulge your curiosity, either in your lines of questioning or in your medical practise.
Ethical issues and medical models
Do not tell a trans person to ‘live as their preferred gender for a year’ – their ‘preferred gender’ is their gender. They have likely tried very hard to not be trans and waited years to get through the door. They are here now begging for assistance.
‘Living as’ often means putting themselves into danger – without testosterone blockers, laser hair removal, oestrogen, and other treatments, wearing a dress and makeup is highly dangerous for many trans women and directly results in harassment, assaults, sexual violence, or worse.
Attempted suicide amongst trans populations sits at 40%. If healthcare providers refuse assistance, this increases to 61%. It is unethical to withhold treatment.
Informed consent
In the USA, many health care providers are using an ‘informed consent’ model. This is consistent with the World Health Organisation, the World Professional Association for Transgender Healthcare, The Ottawa Charter, Te Pae Mahutonga, Te Whare Tapa Wha, Fonofale, and other Public Health approaches.
A simple guide for journalists, reporters, and editors; words and phrases to avoid, alternatives to use instead, how to avoid undermining journalistic integrity through misreporting the gender of a source, and a glossary of useful definitions.
The basics of best practice
Much like ascertaining correct spelling for an unusual name, or giving the correct job title, using correct pronouns for sources is essential for maintaining journalistic integrity.
A policy to confirm the pronouns of every source is the best way to maximise the accuracy and credibility of the news outlet.
This also helps to create a culture of respect for trans people, making it safer for trans people to engage with the media. This means that a diversity of trans perspectives can be present in news media more often.
Avoid language which frames transgender human rights as something trivial, or as optional.
Some common phrases which do this:
‘Culture wars’ – if it were a culture war, it would be the culture of being allowed to live vs the culture of eradicating trans people from society. The players in the ‘culture war’ would be conservative political parties, the far right, and right wing conspiracy theorist and religious groups (and the anti-trans campaigners they support) vs transgender people just trying to live their lives.
‘Transgender debate’ – if it were a debate, the debate would be whether trans people are humans who deserve human rights, or not. The further right you look, the more the debate is one of genocide. Rather than a debate, anti-trans propaganda is an international disinformation campaign (incorrect information with intent to harm). This then becomes general misinformation, as well-intentioned people believe and spread it.
Avoid incorrect oppositional framing
Avoid framing entire groups of people as opposing transgender human rights.
Some common examples include:
‘Feminists vs trans people’ – in Aotearoa, all of the major feminist organisations support transgender rights (e.g National Council of Women, Māori Women’s Welfare League, the entire sexual violence prevention sector). None of the small anti-trans organisations carry out any feminist work (i.e. they don’t campaign on the wage gap, benefit rights for single mums, women being allowed to beat men in sport, rights for migrant women, etc). We have not seen a single example of an actual feminist organiosation in Aotearoa which does not support transgender human rights and view trans women as women.
‘Parents vs trans people’ – many trans people are parents, and many parents who are not trans support transgender people. There are also many parents who have transgender children. Most parents are concerned about things that actually effect their kids – like quality healthcare, whether their kids are making friends, getting good grades/future financial stability, getting head lice. Safety is of course the top concern of most parents, but safety concerns tend to be things like bullying, anxiety and depression, and problems with drugs and alcohol.
Definitions
You can find a glossary of terms with some social context in our ‘Trans 101 – glossary of trans terms and how to use them’.
