Gender Minorities Aotearoa is offering a free online course, Supporting Transgender People. This course is designed to increase your knowledge of issues affecting transgender people in Aotearoa, and to build your confidence in speaking about these issues and supporting transgender people. It is a 101 course and suitable for people with any level of knowledge on transgender issues.
The course takes 2 to 3 hours to complete, and is broken into 3 sessions. You can stop at any time and continue later by logging in again. There are links to further reading at the end of some sections – these are optional and are not included in the time allocation.
This course is suitable for families, friends, supporters, and professional development. A certificate of completion is issued at the end of the course.
What each chapter covers
By the end of chapter 1. you will be able to:
1. Differentiate between gender, sex characteristics, and sex assigned at birth. 2. Explain the meaning of words like transgender, cisgender, and non-binary. 3. Talk about the difference between intersex and transgender.
By the end of chapter 2. you will be able to:
1. Understand how stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination interact. 2. Distinguish between discrimination in public life and private life. 3. Recognise the impact of discrimination across multiple areas of life. 4. Recognise physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, and social impacts of discrimination.
By the end of chapter 3. you will be able to:
1. Name protective factors which assist trans peoples well-being. 2. Identify ways to support trans people in your personal life. 3. Identify ways to support trans people in their public life. 4. Find more information.
Content warning: this course discusses stigma, discrimination, and violence experienced by transgender and intersex people. Some content may be distressing.
In our “Be an Ally 101” we discuss how common trans people are, what their lives are like, how to support a trans person you know, how to support trans rights, and where to find out more.
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Trans people make up at least 1% of the population. The population of NZ is around 4.917 million, so at 1% the number of trans people in NZ is around 50,000. That means at least one trans person for every 100 patients, students, workers, or people in a community.
The Youth12 study (NZ) showed that 1.2% of school students identified as transgender. The Youth19 study (of 7,721 adolescents) showed 1% identified as trans. 73% of these said they identified as transgender before age 14. A recent GLAAD (USA) study also showed 1% of people identified as transgender. The GLAAD study also showed that 16% of non-trans (cis) people knew a trans person in real life.
Issues for trans people
Public Life
Trans people experience extremely high levels of stigma and discrimination across all areas of public life including in education, employment, housing, accessing healthcare, goods and services, justice, sports and recreation, policy and legislative input, and other areas. This results in high levels of material hardship.
Examples include
13% asked inappropriate questions during a health visit in the last year. 1 in 5 are homeless at some point. This figure is 1 in 4 for non-Europeans. 46% of homeless trans people were discriminated against by landlords. Only 14% participate in sports, vs 26% of the general population. 20% were disrespected or mistreated by a doctor in the last year. Sex education does not include trans people’s existence. 55% of students are unable to access health care when they need it, vs 19% of cisgender students. 17% have experienced “conversion therapy” in a health setting. 1 in 3 avoid seeing a doctor when they need one, to avoid being disrespected. 23% of trans students are bullied at least weekly, vs 5% of cis students. The median income is half the median income for the general population. 71% of homeless trans people moved at least once every 6 months on average in the last 5 years. 67% experience discrimination. 44% experienced this in the last year, vs 17% for the general population.
Private life
Trans people experience very high levels of stigma, exclusion, social isolation, and violence in their personal lives.
Examples include
59% of homeless trans people don’t contact their family to help find housing. Two thirds of trans students “come out” while at school, but of those who do, only a third feel safe to come out to parents. 64% of trans students say at least one parent cares about them “a lot”, vs 94% cis students. 72% of homeless trans people first experienced homelessness as a teenager. 36% of trans people have been forced to have sex against their will – this is 3x the rate of women in the general population (11%). This is more common for non-binary people and adults. For disabled trans people, this figure is 7x the rate of the general population* 82% of homeless trans people say transphobia from housemates was a factor. Only 32% of trans students feel safe in their neighbourhood vs 58% cis students
* Sexual violence figures are estimated to be severely under-reported for all groups
Mental health and well being
The pervasive stigma, discrimination, and violence which trans populations experience not only impacts on their physical and material well being, but also on their psychological, emotional, and spiritual well being. Trans people experience high levels of distress, anxiety, depression, self harm, substance use, and suicidal ideation.
Examples include
57% of trans students people report significant depressive symptoms, vs 22% of cis students. 71% live with high levels of psychological distress, vs 8% of the general population. Trans people use cannabis at 3x the rate of the general population. 26% of trans students attempted suicide in the past year, vs 6% of cis students. 57% of trans students have self harmed in the past year, vs 22% of cis students. For trans people, substance abuse is linked to mental health and neurodiversity more often than disability or chronic pain. 79% of homeless trans people have a mental health condition, and 66% are neurodiverse.
Resilience and protective factors
Trans people are highly motivated, hard working, and care a lot about community and family. They are very likely to be involved in supporting others, volunteering, and community work. “Chosen family” are the main source of support for many trans people. Family, whānau, and friends are also important.
Examples include
62% agree they are proud to be trans, while only 14% disagree. Connection to culture is a strong protective factor against suicide. 85% of disabled trans people socialise with other trans people online. Overall 74% of trans people do this.. Feeling connected to trans community is linked to better health outcomes. Māori are more likely than most trans people to feel connected to their culture, to receive support from whānau after having experienced sexual violence, and to want to have a child or more children. 58% provide a lot of support for other trans people, and 56% feel connected to other trans people. 90% of trans people with housing instability contact friends to help them find housing. 62% of trans students are involved in volunteering, vs 54% of cis students. Disabled trans people are more likely to be involved in political activism. Strength of informal networks is a critical protective factor. Safety is paramount to trans people, including when it comes to housing. Those who are supported by their family/whānau have better mental health.
How to ally
Supporting a trans person you know
How to give the right support depends on your relationship to the trans person. You can find in depth resources at genderminorities.com
Everyone: don’t “out them” as trans without their permission, don’t ask invasive questions. Do respect their pronouns and name, do listen to them.
Friends: be there for them, listen to them about what they need and how you can support them.
Health teams: provide accurate information, follow the National Guidelines for Gender Affirming Healthcare, use Informed Consent, and let the patient decide what they need.
Landlords: rent to them.
Partners: respect and care for them.
Families: let them know you love and support them no matter what. Fight for them when they need you.
School and work: provide a safe learning/work environment, deal with bullying appropriately.
Supporting the trans rights movement
Supporting trans rights means taking whatever space you have influence in and making it safe for trans people. You can find in depth resources at genderminorities.com [see links below, the main menu, and our blog page].
Amplify trans voices: read/listen to trans people and share their perspectives, link to their content.
At school or work: ask if your school or employer meets the minimum legal requirements for a safe school/work environment.
Political advocacy: being a good ally means walking beside; not over or in front of. Take your lead from trans-led orgs, which are experts on trans issues.
In your community: talk to others about trans rights, share why you think it’s important. Consider trans people in everyday life.
Feminists and women’s rights groups: include trans women in making decisions, and discuss the facts – eg. talk about the trans pay gap, and bodily autonomy for trans people.
Scrap biological essentialism..
Examine your biases.
Talk to friends and family about trans rights.
Stand up against transphobia when you see it.
Remember intent =/= impact.
Find out more
Learn about recognising transphobia, being a supportive family, healthy relationships, and more, at genderminorities.com
Sources for statistics
Gender Minorities Aotearoa (3,000 contacts a year across NZ)
Counting Ourselves (2019).
Youth19 (2021).
Where Do You Sleep at Night? Transgender Experiences of Housing Instability and Homelessness (2020).
A small number of people affirm a transgender identity (sometimes referred to as “coming out of the closet”), and later realise they aren’t, or decide to affirm a cisgender identity again.
They may have a change of gender identity – affirming that a cisgender identity is the one that feels best for them, or they may simply decide to outwardly take on a cisgender identity while inwardly maintaining a transgender identity (“go back into the closet”).
Sometimes those who affirm a cisgender identity after having affirmed a transgender one are referred to as “detransitioners”, “retransitioners”, or someone who has “detransitioned” or “retransitioned”.
“People are said to retransition or detransition if they affirm a cisgender identity after affirming a transgender one. Although gender identity does tend to evolve, to some degree, throughout a person’s life, detransition is relatively rare—particularly for those who have engaged with medical or surgical gender affirmation.” – Elizabeth Boskey, PhD.
What’s the difference between ‘detransition’ and ‘retransition’?
Usually “retransition” is the term that acknowledges that gender identity is a journey of exploration, and that it is possible to transition to a transgender identity or a cisgender identity multiple times. The word “detransition” is most often used by anti-trans campaigners, who wish to stop people from accessing gender-affirming healthcare – either to affirm a transgender identity or a cisgender one.
Both words are used in this article, to help people find it when they search the internet.
No matter what kind of transition journey a person is on, it is important to have appropriate healthcare and supports.
Why do people retransition?
A 2015 survey of nearly 28,000 people, carried out by the National Center for Transgender Equality (USA), showed that 8% of respondents reported ‘detransitioning’. Of those who detransitioned, 62% said that they only detransitioned temporarily. The most common reason for re/detransitioning was pressure from a parent.
0.4% said they detransitioned after realising that particular transgender identity didn’t feel right for them.
Conversion therapy
Conversion therapy (or transphobic bullying) by parents, schools, therapists, faith community leaders, or other adults is not OK. If you need to talk, you can get in touch with us. If you need immediate crisis support, contact a crisis line – there is one linked below. If you are experiencing pressure to retransition or detransition from a parent, GMA has resources to help your family be more supportive.
“Ideologically motivated detransition is conversion therapy. It tries to convince trans people that our sense of self is false, that we can’t have happy or satisfying lives as trans people. I can see now that I wasted years of my life trying to fix a part of myself that was never broken and suffering needlessly in the process. I presented myself as a detransition success story but the truth is that detransitioning did not work for me and was an act of self-denial and rejection.”
Exploring gender can be important, empowering, fun, and liberating. Regardless of age, the freedom to choose how one expresses their gender is an important human right. If a person explores being a different gender, and later decides it’s not for them, there is no reason why they should be made to feel shame, regret, or that there is something wrong with them.
This includes people who transition, for example, from “female” to male, then later realise they are non-binary. It’s perfectly OK to try out different genders before settling where one feels most at home.
It is healthy and OK to be whatever gender you are – whether you are transgender, or not. You deserve to explore, express, and be yourself. There is no “wrong way” to be who you are.
Staying safe
Temporary re/detransition is relatively common, because it is so hard to be out in the world as a transgender person; due to stigma, discrimination, and violence. Many people retransition or detransition for a period of time after initially “coming out” as trans, in order to stay safe – whether this is at work, at home, or out in society generally. Most commonly, this is due to pressure from a parent. Most people who retransition or detransition eventually transition back to a trans identity when it is safe for them to do so.
Permanent retransition or detransition is much less common, but is usually also due to stigma, discrimination, and violence. International research has consistently shown that less than 1% retransition or detransition because they simply realise they were wrong about being trans.
“We can’t treat detransition as the end of person’s journey in exploring their gender identity, as many will choose to retransition [to a transgender identity] at a later point when they are safe and supported” – Stonewall UK.
Whatever the reason, respect a persons gender – it is OK to be trans, and it is OK to have tried out being trans at some point in one’s journey.
Retransition rights
Whether a person retransitions or detransitions temporarily or permanently, they deserve the same right to bodily integrity, autonomy, and accurate identity documents. GMA advocates for retransitioning people to have access to respectful and appropriate healthcare, including further hormone therapy and gender-affirming surgeries if necessary. For example, a retransitioned person who has had an oophorectomy may require estrogen therapy, and must be allowed to access this.
GMA also advocates for the ability to change the gender marker on birth certificates more than once – if a person has changed it and wants to change back, they should have the right to do so.
Bodily integrity, autonomy, and human rights are important for all people.
Most of the social stigma for having retransitioned is stigma for having transitioned in the first place. It is transphobia being misdirected at those who once identified as transgender, but no longer do.
All trans people and retransitioned people deserve to live free from transphobia, stigma, discrimination, and violence.
Research shows that the “rate of regret” for people who have undergone gender affirming medical treatments is below 1%, and is most commonly regret due a lack of support from families and communities, though some occasional (not complete) regret is due to poor surgical outcomes. (Smith, Van Goozen, Kuiper, Cohen-Kettenis 2005, M Landén, J Wålinder, G Hambert, B Lundström 1998).
One study over several decades showed 2.2% of participants experienced some form of regret for medically transitioning, however the rate of regret lessened over time, perhaps as medical procedures improved (Dhejne, Arver, Oberg, Landén 2014). However, recent longitudinal studies found that none of the participants expressed regret over medically transitioning (Krege et al. 2001, De Cuypere et al. 2006).
“Regret after gender-affirming surgery is an exceedingly rare event. Reasons for regret or detransition are diverse, ranging from change in gender identity to societal and relationship pressures to post-surgical pain. It is not uncommon for detransition to be associated with surgical complications.”
Whether a retransitioned or detransitioned person regrets past treatments or not, they deserve access to the healthcare they currently need – which may include further hormone therapy and gender affirming surgeries.
Messaging throughout society puts pressure on young people to be the gender they were assigned at birth. This includes messaging that promotes cisgender (non-transgender) people as normal, and does not give the same positive message about transgender people.
There is also more overt transphobic messaging in many films and other media, with transgender people often portrayed in a negative light.
Many public places do not have gender-neutral bathrooms, dresses and skirts are usually designed to fit only cisgender women’s bodies, some schools refuse to let trans students wear the uniform that fits their gender, and there are sometimes pressures from healthcare providers as well, with a recent NZ study on 1,178 trans people showing that 17% of trans people had experienced conversion therapy in a healthcare setting. Trans people are routinely discriminated against in education, employment, housing, and other areas.
Fundamentalist faith based groups, anti-trans campaigners, and ultra-right (conservative extremist) groups promote misinformation aimed at frightening families into pressuring their young people to detransition.
“We created a community that often encouraged people to use their trauma to attack the trans community and trans healthcare […] Transphobic radical feminists were the first to use detrans women. Later on transphobic parent groups, conversion therapists, right-wing Christians and other anti-trans groups would also seek to harness detrans women.
“Transphobic people latch onto to detrans people because to them detrans people are proof that transitioning and living as a trans person is harmful. Therefore they have an investment in detransitioned people’s suffering rather than their healing and happiness. They have an investment in detrans people viewing transition as “irreversible damage”. If a person harmed by medical transition can get all that they need to heal and have a good life, they are no longer so useful in proving the inherent harms of transition. Rather, they show that the problem is access to resources and competent medical treatment.
There is so much pressure – both political and personal – to retransition or detransition. But whatever the reason for retransitioning or detransitioning, the supports needed by the individual are very similar to the supports needed by those transitioning to a transgender identity: access to appropriate medical care, accurate identity documents, and the freedom to express their gender however they see fit.
Get support
If you are struggling with gender, being pressured to retransition or detransition, or are unable to access gender affirming retransition or detransition medical care and need information or support, get in touch with us.
We support your right – no matter what the reason – to retransition or detransition, and to have access to appropriate medical care, identification documents, and support.
PATHA joins WPATH, EPATH, USPATH, AsiaPATH, CPATH, and AusPATH, to respond to the harmful Bell v. Tavistock Judgment in the UK – World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), the European Association for Transgender Health (EPATH), the United States Professional Association for Transgender health (USPATH), the Asian Association for Transgender Health (AsiaPATH), the Canadian Association for Transgender Health (CPATH), the Australian Professional Association for Trans Health (AusPATH), and the Professional Association for Transgender Health Aotearoa (PATHA) (2020)
In Aotearoa, there are very strong social norms about keeping relationships private and not arguing in front of others. It can be rare to see examples of healthy arguments; arguments where partners can express frustrations or anger or sadness, but everyone’s emotional well being is taken care of, and the argument ends in a way that everyone feels good about.
Planning to argue
One aspect of having healthier, safer, and more productive arguments is planning how to argue. Partners can choose a time when there is no stress and argument to be had, and sit down together to talk about how they can have better arguments. It can help to write things down, draw some pictures together, or even write up an “argument contract” – it’s ok to be creative and do whatever works for you. It’s not about winning or tricking the other person into something, it’s about finding ways to argue without causing harm to each other.
Planning communication in a semi-structured way can feel a bit strange at first, but when arguments have guidelines which partners have agreed on, they tend to work better for everyone.
What’s the point?
What is the point of arguing? Agree on what you ultimately want to get out of arguing. Try to agree on a simple positive shared goal such as ‘to understand each other better’ rather than ‘you stop doing X behavior’. If your partner understands you better, they will probably see why you want them to stop doing X.
What are your bottom lines for safety? This might be physical, it might be about volume of voice, name calling, comparing, swearing, put downs, or anything else that makes you really upset, hurts you, isn’t acceptable to you. Every person will have different limits, so discuss and work out what your minimum requirements are for feeling safe and OK to continue. It’s always OK to stop before you reach your limits, but it’s good to know each other’s bottom lines in advance so you can stay well away.
Triggers
What behaviors trigger you (bring up past trauma); what things should your partner avoid saying? For some people this might be a certain type of accusation, threatening to leave, or particular words. As an argument escalates, you can try to remember your goal and avoid triggering each other, so you have more opportunity to reach your goal before the argument has to stop.
When you feel triggered or you’re very upset, how can you stop the conversation, and what will happen next? This may be saying “let’s stop, I need a break” or “time out, this is too much.” The agreed action might be 5 or 10 minutes alone for a cup of tea. Plan the details so it can run smoothly.
Reconnecting after a being very upset – what will help you refocus on your argument goal? Some people find that reminding each other about their argument goal helps them both re-focus on it. For some people, taking turns to explain why they felt overwhelmed or needed to take a break can help. Listening for emotions can help people reconnect.
Finishing an argument
Stopping and rescheduling; what will you do if the argument seems to be going nowhere? There is no shame in deciding to stop an argument. Some people ask their partner for specific reassurance when finishing an argument. For example one person asks their partner “After we argue, I want to know that you still care about me, and you want us to talk about the issue again in the next few days, and find a solution”.
You can explore our other sex and relationships resources, or take our free on-demand e-learning course The Transgender Guide to Sex and Relationships, by clicking the buttons below.
The resource explains what trauma triggers are, how someone might be affected by one, and how you can explore discussing this with partners. It is designed for transgender adults, and may not be suitable for younger viewers
You can scroll down to read the first edition (webpage, 2021), or download the second edition PDF (2022), which was developed for our online course The transgender guide to sex and relationships.
If a person has experienced trauma in the past, such as being the victim/survivor of sexual violence, they may have very strong emotions such as anger or fear which are associated with an element present when the initial trauma happened. This element – or trigger – can be anything from a smell to a certain word or phrase, it could be a particular sexual activity or position, or any number of other elements. After the initial trauma – it could be days, weeks, or years later – when the person experiences the trigger, they may emotionally or psychologically re-live the trauma of the initial incident. We call this ‘being triggered’.
It is not always possible to avoid being triggered, for example if the smell of beer was present when the initial traumatic incident occurred, then in the future the smell of beer might make the person have a ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response. Whether the current situation is safe or not, the person who has been ‘triggered’ might experience an elevated heart rate and physical symptoms of fear, anger, humiliation, sadness, or a number of other things. This may also mean that their reaction to another person drinking a beer is to feel distrustful, or angry, and they may not know why.
Discussing triggers
Some people find it very helpful to work out, over time, the things that trigger past trauma for them. It can be a long process of recognising when they feel disproportionately upset, and working out why that might be. Not everything that upsets someone is a trigger – we can be upset for many reasons, including being upset because the thing which is happening right now is harming us. Or because we just don’t like something. It can be helpful to separate things out and reflect on what feelings we were having when we were upset, and whether there is a current problem happening and we are being harmed, or if we were triggered.
Although the trauma we have experienced might not be our fault (and in the case of sexual violence is never the victim’s fault), it is still our responsibility to manage our triggers and behaviours. Some people find it useful to discuss triggers with partners or potential partners. It can also be useful to talk about how a person might guess that you are being triggered when it happens, what they might say to you in that situation, or how you might communicate with them.
Example
Sarah has trauma that involves sexual violence. She doesn’t like to have sex in certain positions, or when she’s very tired, or after an argument.
Sometimes she doesn’t realise how tired she is, or something else can trigger her. When she’s triggered, she feels humiliated and worthless, and her response is to ‘freeze’, which for her means she thinks about other things, and tries to ‘just get through’ the sex that is happening right now. She struggles to let partners know she wants to stop having sex. Usually during sex she makes a lot of eye contact and talks or makes sounds. When she is triggered, she avoids eye contact and usually goes quiet and sometimes cries.
She tells this to her partners, so that if she behaves in those ways, they know to stop and check in. She tells them that when they think she’s triggered, she doesn’t want to be asked ‘are you ok?’ because it’s hard to say ‘no’ when she feels like that. She wants her partners to ask ‘do you want to stop?’, because saying yes is easier. If she does want to stop, a good next question is ‘shall I make you some tea?’, because it gives her the chance to have space alone for a few minutes. After that, she sometimes feels fine. Other times, she wants to do something that isn’t sexual, like watch a film and cuddle.
She also lets them know that her being triggered doesn’t mean they are doing something wrong.
You can explore our other sex and relationships resources, or take our free on-demand e-learning course The Transgender Guide to Sex and Relationships, by clicking the buttons below.
