Relationship Tips – Respect

From our upcoming booklet on relationship tips for trans folks and the people who love us

Q: How should my partner treat me?
A: With respect:

– Respect for your sex and/or gender, including your body, your chosen name and pronouns, and never saying that you’re not a ”real” woman, man, or trans person (etc) for any reason – including your sexual orientation, the ways that you like to have sex or not have sex, or what they imagine life was like for you growing up

– Respect for your body, including the words you use to talk about it, the ways you are comfortable with being touched or not being touched, your right to choose or not choose hormones, surgeries, or other treatments, your right to make contraceptive and reproductive choices and to use protection against STIs and HIV

– Respect for your boundaries, including around sexual activities you don’t want to do or times you don’t want to do them, around alcohol and other drug use if you don’t want to participate in or be involved in those things, your choice to do sex work or to not do sex work

– Respect for your other relationships, including your whanau, friends, kids, other partners, ex-partners who you are friends with, and your need to spend time with them and alone

– Respect for your economic situation, including not taking your money, expecting you to pay their share of expenses, or preventing you from working

– Respect for your privacy, including telling other people personal information about your sex and/or gender, your body, your HIV status, the ways you have sex or don’t have sex, and not sharing your private photos, videos, or messages. Not insisting that you share the intimate details of your past sexual experiences

– Respect for your culture, including respect for your whakapapa, your people, your language, your values, the land you are from, the histories of your people, and the ways in which gender and sex might be thought about and enacted differently than in their culture

– Respect for your autonomy, including the daily things you need in your life and your ability to make decisions for yourself

– Respect for you as a whole person, including things like accepting responsibility for their share of the child care and house work, not expecting you to fulfil their ideas or fantasies of what someone of your sex and/or gender should be like, not treating you as an extension of themself

Download the PDF here Relationship Tips – Respect